Life

So today I am feeling pretty down on life...things with the husband are going great! Work blows....I interviewed for a position and wasn't selected...I don't know why I work my f(*&ing @ss off at work to prove myself....it doesn't pay off...no one notices and I get screwed in the end. Maybe I will start a blog about working for the government and how they F*(# their employees!!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL

Okay so here it is about a month after everything came to the surface. He excepts me to forget it since it is in the past it is not that easy! I don't know when or if I will ever forget about it! It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my whole life! Talk about a total blow to the whole trust system. This weekend while I was out of town he had a party and there were girls there! How does he not think I would be a PISSED about it!???? He was all what it is in the past and nothing happened the girls were here with the other guys. Well, I had been gone for 4 days and I know how he is about sex he likes it and likes it often. So, what am I suppose to think? He promised me nothing happened he drank and then passed out. Well, his friend who thinks what he did was TOTALLY wrong told me he didn't touch another girl and he was on good behavior. I know you are thinking of course a friend would say that to protect his friend but I know this friend wouldn't lie for him!

I am really trying hard to build the trust back but he has to be willing to comprise and answer my questions without getting mad.

We will see what happens! I hate not being able to trust him 110%

Why??

This blog is going to be for me to get out a lot of feelings and questions I have about why life happens the way it does...I will ramble from being an abused child to my own children and about having a spouse that cheats and how do you move on? So if you want to be depressed go ahead and read it...if you think you can find words of wisdom in what I write feel free to read it and use any of it in your life. I just needed someplace to vent so why not in a blog!!

You know things in life happen and they say they happen for a reason!? Well what reason would or could be taught from having a spouse cheat on you..not only once but 3 times? Three you found out about all at one time. Two before we were married but we were still living together like we were married and once just recently. He says it is not my fault I didn't do anything wrong. But it was all him. Yea I was forgiving and took him back I sometimes wonder why the hell I took him back. I do love him very much but this has been hard on me...when I ask him question he gets upset and says it is over and in the past...but how far over is it really? He has done it three times and who says he won't do it again?